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This conversation began with a comment I made on Facebook. It probably said something like: 


“Everybody has insecurities, it is how we handle them that makes the difference.

I was asked to specifically address the insecurity of feeling left behind and feeling undeserving.

First of all, I want you to receive my compassion. I have felt that way before. In fact, most humans have.

The 6 Core Beliefs that humans share, not in any order are:

1. Not worthy—these people often are trying to prove they are worthy, and they want the world to see them as a good person, so they end up putting themselves before anyone else, eventually burning out from resentment and frustration because they never get that the favors returned or the “Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.” As a child we looked forward to hearing, “You are a good girl” and then you got rewarded. They think that if they prove they are a good person, then their ship will come in, they will finally be worthy of the good they want to come into their lives.

2. I don’t belong—they don’t ever feel like they fit in, they are joiners of groups and communities; they just want to find the community or circle of friends where they feel like they can be a part of something. The tricky part is that rejection is especially hard for people who have the limiting belief 'they don’t belong.' Ironically, they often reject people first to avoid being rejected. So, the self-sabotage shows up as pushing people away and not giving them a break or the benefit of the doubt. They can become very nasty if they sense they are about to be rejected. They are often quite lonely.

3. Not enough—These folks often live within scarcity mode. Not only do they think that they personally are not enough, but they also think there are not enough resources overall. They worry about money, their health, wardrobes, the price of things, whether the planet will run out of water, etc. They are driven to protect what they do have, and they tend to have a lot of stuff, they accumulate stuff in an effort to feel like there is enough in their world and that they are personally enough. Emotionally they have thoughts like, “Nothing I ever do is enough” and they just feel like they are spinning their wheels trying to get ahead of their perception of lack.

4. Not capable—These people are the ones who collect certifications and degrees. They take lots of classes, read lots of books. They feel like they will never have the right credentials to accomplish what they want to do. They are the ones who decide they would like to start a business and the first thing they do is buy a course or look at all the people who seem more capable then they are, they compare themselves and then sabotage the idea to start a business because they decide they  just aren’t capable. They end up working for people who believe they are capable, and they stay in the shadows, wishing they were capable when ironically, they are, but they just can’t see it.

5. Not perfect—These humans are all about control, trying to control everything so everything comes out perfect. The main driver for perfection is that they don’t trust themselves and likewise it is hard for them to hand off control because they don’t trust other people. They will take a million selfies trying to get the perfect picture and end up deleting them all. They will try to write a book, but their inner critic shuts them down before they can get any traction. They may want to start a business but get caught up in all the busy work, perfecting things that don’t need to be perfect. They only act if they believe they can execute it perfectly. So, they often end up not taking action. They are overly disciplined, terrified of failure, and they end up missing out on the things they really love for silly reasons. For example, they took 3 hours to get ready for a party they were looking forward to and then decided not to go because they were so late. They pass up job interviews because they are afraid they won’t be able to answer the questions perfectly.

6. Not significant—These folks really want to be seen, but they are also terrified of being seen. They feel unheard, unseen, unnoticed, but they won’t necessarily do anything to be seen, heard or noticed. They don’t ask for what they want because they figure they won’t get it anyway. They don’t like the feeling of being looked over so they just don’t put themselves out there.

I show you all these core limiting beliefs so you can get a feel for how they can really run a person’s life. They all start with conditioning when we are children.


The child may have been sick and didn’t want to go to school but Mom shuttled her off to school anyway so the child learned to just not say anything. The little girl in 3rd grade saw all the praise go to the student with the best handwriting, so she learned that she had to have the best handwriting if she wanted the praise. The little girl who wanted to sing a solo for the class chorus and choked and everyone laughed at her, so she decided it wasn't safe to be on stage. The little girl who was told she couldn’t have a cookie because she didn’t make her bed that morning learned that others control whether she gets what she wants or not. On and on, these limiting beliefs form and are reinforced as we gain life experiences.

Insecurities are basically our vulnerabilities that tie into our limiting beliefs.


What we believe about the world and how that translates to us results in us feeling secure in our existence, or not. And if we are insecure then we unconsciously come up with ways to keep ourselves safe from our vulnerabilities. The problem is that we end up missing out on opportunities for great life experiences because we are busy keeping ourselves safe from being embarrassed, ashamed, fronted out, and failing.

Cognitively we can overcome these insecurities by recognizing them and then choosing the opposite and creating experiences that reinforce what we want to claim.

For instance, if we are shy and our limiting belief is that we are insignificant, then we must consciously override the unconscious belief and the drive to stay safe by doing things that put us front and center where we won’t be overlooked. So, this person might join toastmasters where they know they will give a speech week after week. We must deliberately put ourselves in situation after situation where we are called to be bold so we can practice being bold.

If you have the belief that you are underserving, it is a lot like being unworthy. So, if you are waiting for the world to give you what you want, you need to start giving yourself what you want. Instead of waiting for someone to buy you flowers, go buy them yourself. If you want to get a promotion, you are going to have to directly ask for it and be ready to show why you deserve it. You must stop putting others before you as a rule and put yourself first. Do not wait for others to decide what you deserve, you decide, and then set about getting it for yourself. Ironically, when you start this level of self-care, other people will start showing up and doing things for you. I have received unexpected flowers, gifts, favors, even money and I was delightfully surprised when the other people just wanted to do these things for me.

Notice how feeling left behind is a lot like being undeserving. Maybe there was a party, and you weren’t invited, you might unconsciously think you didn’t deserve the invite or were unworthy of the invite. Think of the little girl waiting on the school stoop for her mom to pick her up and her mom completely forgot; that little girl is likely to develop a belief that she was left behind. Or maybe in middle school her close friends all joined a group, and she didn’t get in, say the Cheerleading Squad, she would be prone to the insecurity of feeling left behind. She might believe she didn’t get a space on the squad because she was undeserving, and maybe a host of other limiting beliefs.

Prove to yourself the limiting belief is untrue.

Now the key, as an adult who is recognizing these limiting beliefs, is you start to prove to yourself that the beliefs are not true. Hand in hand with that, is notice how you are perhaps sabotaging the opportunity to belong or be included—we sometimes do that so that we avoid being left behind. You might turn down invitations to join groups or to go to parties because the insecurity is so strong, you simply don’t want to deal with the discomfort of feeling like you don’t belong.

It gets complicated trying to sort out insecurities. But there are processes out there to help people do it. Take for instance integrative coaching – one of my specialties. I basically teach people how to talk to the insecure parts of themselves to get the messages and wisdom so they can embrace these parts, we call them subpersonalities or part selves, and then start consciously living rather than unconsciously keeping yourself safe.

There is the method I wrote about earlier in this article where you immerse yourself, essentially reconditioning the parts of yourself that believe they are undeserving or left behind. There is some heartache with this method, especially if you experience a negative outcome, but repeatedly putting yourself out there in circumstances that are likely to have positive outcomes increase the odds of having positive outcomes and you will eventually recondition your emotional setpoint to not be so insecure.

There is also something called recoding. This is a technique where the client is in a very light meditative state and the facilitator prepares them for a session by asking questions about the insecurity and then when the person is primed to be rewired, the facilitator will do a 10- or 15-minute process where they reprogram the thought processes that created the insecurities. This is one of the fastest methods I know as a session can be done in about 30 minutes. The key with this method is to take the inspired action as soon as possible so you reinforce the results of the recoding.

So, there is a lot you can do about insecurities, and there is much you can do to get a handle on them.

Insecurities do not really go away, but you can reprogram them.

For me personally, I have noticed the insecurities do not really go away, but I have become empowered enough to override them and do what I love anyway. The key with overriding is to start easy and build up enough positive experiences and mindsets that you can handle any second guessing, embarrassment, or shame, should they occur.  Growing your self-awareness is key in all the methods I described, and journaling is a great tool for getting familiar with these subpersonalities, part selves, and learning what wisdom they have to impart.

Here is the thing I really want you to hear. It is good news. It can set you free right now. Ready?


Read that statement again. And again. And again. Let it really sink in. I promise you that I have learned that the self-development world will reinforce the notion that we have to fix ourselves, heal ourselves, better ourselves, get certifications, read books, etc. to overcome our limiting beliefs or to arrive in life.

It simply is not true!

I am living proof. I am a total introvert, very shy, reserved; but if you look at my Facebook videos, or see me teach, you see that I exude confidence, kindness, sincerity, love, and poise. All I do is get in touch with my authentic WHOLE self to do those videos, I did not ‘fix’ my introverted self, I embraced it and then said to that part of myself, "Here is what we are going to do!" and then I do it no matter how much that part of myself balks.  So, I have all the gifts that being introverted provides, and there are plenty, but I get to be extroverted when it is needed for me to take an inspired action. Before I embraced being introverted my pattern was to decline party invites because I was always the wall flower, and that was uncomfortable. Now, granted COVID really limits the invites, but I accept the invites I receive. Likewise, I accept Zoom invites and leave my video on. All because I learned how to behave as an extrovert when it serves my desired reality and the person who I want to be.

Desired Realities – True Choices

So let’s talk about desired reality. This is the true desire of your heart -- it is not limited by what others want, it is not limited by your insecurities, it is not held back by limiting beliefs.  Your superconscious, your higher self knows what your desired reality looks like, feels like and what you truly want. The unconscious parts of ourselves get a plate of cookies while our superconscious is informing us of our true desire. The main proof of a true desire is that you want to do it JUST BECAUSE YOU WOULD LOVE IT! The superconscious doesn't have an agenda like the unconscious does. The superconscious wants you have experiences that bring joy, love, wellbeing and abundance. 

If you want a big, beautiful mansion, want it not because it will prove you are worthy or you are good enough, but because you WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

If you want a gazillion dollars in your bank account, want it because it would afford you the opportunity to do things you ABSOLUTELY LOVE DOING. Don’t desire lots of money because it will make you happy.  Be happy now!

The litmus test for true desires is that they don’t compromise; you would absolutely love the desire being realized; and you can feel the feeling of it being realized NOW, so you don’t have to wait to get the mansion or the money in the bank to feel the feelings that come with a true desire. And there is a bonus with being happy now, feeling healthy now, recognizing the abundance that is already around you now -- it feels good and it creates a magnet to open doors for you!

So often we limit our desires because of our limiting beliefs. We do not let ourselves desire boat loads of money because we think it could never happen. We do not desire a handful of great friends because we don’t think we could ever have great friends. We do not desire a miraculous healing because we think we are unhealthy, and miracles are impossible. We do not ask for the promotion because we don’t think we would ever be selected. That is the unconscious tape that runs in your head and it is trying to protect you from disappointment, embarrassment, shame and bad outcomes.

The superconscious though has a much better view and it is trustworthy. It will guide you to what is possible and who you were born to be, if you let it!


So don’t restrict your desire because of what your unconscious thinks is possible, instead expand your vision because the superconscious KNOWS what is possible!

Here are five things you can do to create a life you love:

1st: The first step is to choose what you really want. Truly want, without conditions, without compromise, and purely because you would just love it!

2nd: The second step is to notice the pattern that has come with this desire before. What is the tape that runs in your head (set about changing that tape with affirmations and experiences that prove the tape is wrong); notice the pattern of how you sabotage or decline the good coming to you, how do you pinch off or avoid allowing what you asked for to come to you. Then set about interrupting that pattern. Be consistent.

3rd: The third step is to notice where your focus goes. There is an expression, ‘Where your focus goes, your energy goes’ so make sure you are focusing your thoughts and energy on what you want to create. Focusing on things that worry us is such a waste of energy. Think of it this way: which is a better use of your energy: worrying about what might be or dreaming about what might be?

First, it just simply feels better to dream about what might be.

Second, if we focus on what we desire we get inspiration to do things that will takes us to the doors that we didn’t even know would be there. Putting our focus on what is possible also has a way of fortifying us, bolstering us to do what we normally would not do but that we know will get us closer to the life we want to be living.

Thirdly, the law of attraction is real. What we think about we do bring about, maybe not directly (thank God for that!) but our thoughts are like a magnet drawing to us the people ,opportunities and experiences that can align us with what we really love about life.

4th: Take inspired action. Behavior is the highest form of communication. Your unconscious and superconscious are paying attention to see if you are going to follow through. Your unconscious will try to hold you back and your superconscious will encourage you to go for it. So prove to your unconscious that its limited perspective and ‘advice’ is not what you want to pay attention to and prove to your superconscious, your highest self, that you believe it and trust it to take the action. If you are thinking about your amazing, desired reality and get an impulse to go to the store, go! Who knows why you might be guided to go? No matter what, take the inspired action!

5th: Get and give yourself support for living the life of the person you want to become. Get human, and spiritual allies, who will encourage you, support you, reinforce you. Have plenty of self-care and self-love too, so be your number one fan! Journal a lot as a means of self-support.

To close, I want to ask you a powerful question: What would the person you want to be do next, think now, feel now?

Define who the person is who you want to be. You can simply rely on adjectives. For example:

What would the courageous person I am becoming think and do next?

What would the confident person I am becoming think and do next?

What would the deserving and included person I am becoming think and do next?

Another way to ask the same question is this:

If I were courageous, confident, deserving and included, what would I think and do next? How would I feel?

Allow yourself to focus on the FEELINGS of becoming that person and in that focus, you will get inspiration. You can get encouragement. You can get resiliency. You can get self-love. So, go for it, and think and act like the person you want to become!

If you need more support, join my private group, it is just getting started so you will only be meeting a few people at first. Which is nice, kind of like going to a party with a handful of people who are welcoming and interested in getting to know you vs. going to a party of 200 where you feel lost in the crowd.


I hope this has been inspirational and enlightening. Let me know if you have questions.

Here’s to putting your focus on your true desires!!



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